Tying up loose ends. This is what I feel like is happening with our adoption, as well as with my daughter’s long-term illness. Of course, God doesn’t have loose ends. He knows the beginning, middle, and end/outcome of whatever we are going through. I find so much comfort in this. Even as I feel at loose ends myself, there is still that knowing that even when I don’t know the answers, God does. I trust him to work it all out, even as I cry out to him to do so. My faith is so small, yet it is there. God can take my puny little faith and do great big things with it. He is God. It is so cool to see him take what I perceive to be loose ends and tie them up neatly into the most wonderful outcomes! I have seen it before. I have read about it in the Word. He is doing it even now — in my life and in the world. I am so blessed, even when I am at loose ends.
I see his answered prayers, and even the direction of those prayers. I am touched by my youngest daughter’s insistence on always praying for her big sister to “feel better”, and her brother’s growing empathy for others (for which I’ve prayed) as he prays for something specific in the big sister’s health needs that I didn’t even know he was paying attention to. I see how my adopted children are thriving and have bonded to each other and the rest of the family, and how they have learned so much so rapidly, and their delight in and hunger for the things of God. I have seen behavioural issues disappear; health issues erased. I have seen my biological children grow in ways that are amazing. God has strengthened me and given me insight and understanding, and also shown me shortcomings in myself and humbled me, and caused me to cringe at myself. But he forgives and helps me move forward. God has given me a deeper love and deeper relationship with my fantastic husband, whom I already knew was such a blessing and better than I surely deserved. He has provided me with family and friends that continue to bless and humble me. He provides for my needs and my family’s needs.
So many things could distract me and get me off track. I could get bogged down in complaining about so many obstacles. But God knows about them already. He has a plan. His timing is perfect. A delay to me is not a surprise to him. Having my perspective right is very stress-relieving. (I should do it more often.) Obeying without delay is my responsibility. Stressing over delays that are not of my doing is not.
Our recent missions conference brought messages directly to me. One message on obedience to a call of God stressed immediacy. I tend to procrastinate. Even when I commit to the overall obedience, I may procrastinate in the details. This is not good. Sometimes obedience is an ongoing thing, not a one-time deal. Or it is going to be a long, drawn-out process (such as adoption). Once committed to obedience and going along well, things may happens that cause doubts. Another message stressed staying on the path God has given you, rather than letting things such as fear, threats, and circumstances cause you to give it up and turn away, and if that happens, to stop and “re-calculate” your direction to get back on the path he has laid out for you. (See the example of Elijah in the Bible for one who had to get back on the right path.)